Monday, April 27, 2009

the jeckyll and hyde of it all ....

Chris is always saying "find your edge." I think I am on mine right now. Yes, it is true, what I last posted: I do have more energy and lightness. Yet, at the same time, I have never been more depressed, anxious and angry. All those extra pounds were a pretty good protective barrier from the deep crap inside. Now the barrier is down, and I am not sure what to make of how I feel. I feel better when I look in the mirror, dress for work, run faster, lift more, eat less ... and I feel so much worse when I test my husband's patience and support for the millionth time. Or I distance myself from my kids or my friends --to regroup, to make sense of it all.
I am familiar with this edge, and have worked hard to dull its cut. Guess there is more work to be done. With gratitude, I'll work this edge with this community. I think there is a light at the end of that rabbit hole, Patti, I really do.


  1. Hey Kelly,

    Way too long since I've seen you! Sounds like you are dancing with some intense stuff. Keep dancing. I love that you are letting yourself recognize, and engage the challenging stuff. I think that's the way through fear. Going around it will ultimately keep it coming back. That's my two cents, anyway.

    I am hitting up against some stuff as well, which I just blogged about. It helps me to know that someone I gain good feelings from is dancing with the funk as well.

    I'll see you on the dance-floor!!!



  2. Rob is right, Kelly - the only way out is "through." We will get there. Namaste, Terri

  3. Feel what you are saying, Kelly, and love you for it.