Thursday, January 29, 2009

Snowy days

So there I was, trying to convince my husband that I just couldn't shovel snow with him because of my lower back, when - SHAZAM! - Chris posts a youtube on the proper shoveling technique! It was great, actually, we had a blast in the snow with the kids, the neighbors, and our dog. I shoveled and pulled the kids on their plastic sleds around the block, and thought "surely that was sustained aerobic activity!" But by dinnertime, the guilt got me - so I went for a run inside the warm gym...
... My snow day wasn't so peaceful, though. I also had to deal with our inspection, realtors, contractors, mortgage companies, etc... and I am so thankful for Rob's earlier comment about how great it is to committed to this project in a really tense time. I could easily find any reason not to eat right, work out and meditate right now, and justify it all by the craziness. But instead I will be grateful that I am here slogging through Week 2 with all of you!
... All the good food I made Sunday is gone, so I was back in the kitchen tonight! I'm glad the kids liked it, too - just means I need to make more of everything! I find myself "snacking" a lot more this week - eating between meals. So far, veggies and low-cal popcorn, so that works. It's hard not to hide behind comfort food. It makes me feel restless -- like somehow, a huge chunk of chocolate chip cookie dough would make everything settle down. The rational person in me knows it won't, but the emotional eater just wants to fade into sugar oblivion ...
Sounds like a perfect time to meditate...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A quote for all courageous Project compadres ...

Victory is often a thing deferred, and rarely at the summit of courage .... What is at the summit of courage, I think, is freedom. The freedom that comes with the knowledge that no earthly power can break you; that an unbroken spirit is the only thing you cannot live without; that in the end it is the courage of conviction that moves things, that makes all change possible.~
~Paula Gidding Educator, Journalist, and Social Historian

Monday, January 26, 2009

It's a start ...

Happy Week 2 to all!
Is it possible that already I am feeling more energy? Or, is it just that -- compared to last Monday -- today went well. I ate OK. I had lots of energy for my workout, even though I was sucking for air after the 30-second sprints! Work was stressful and life was stressful (did I mention we are moving into a new home during The Project?) and yet I feel less pummeled by it all. Sunday food prep helped a lot - it was great to come home to a nice dinner and know how much I could have. Perhaps my goal of being less "freaked out" this week is within reach.
Thank you to Chris and everyone at Saturday's meeting. You are all so honest and real (and freaking hilarious!) Doing this hard work with you feels really safe and right. I'm buoyed by the shared experiences -- and learning so much each day. Today, I learned that:
1. Snacking is ok, when you bring carrots and snap peas to work. And they crunch, almost like chips!
2. Thirty seconds goes by fast -- UNLESS you are running your fastest!
3. Home inspections suck. Okay, they don't suck. But having to fix a bunch of stuff in your old house before you move into your new house sucks.
4. Blogging is slightly addictive!
Stay warm and safe in the snow!

Friday, January 23, 2009

tgif ....

It's hard to believe we made it through the work week already! I am looking forward to yoga tomorrow - and a chance to really do better prep for week 2! I did OK at keeping my calories logged in a journal, but I was still scrambling to add up calories, figure how many I had left for the next meal, etc ... A lot of brainpower went into it, I figure I have to make this simpler.
I know I posted this earlier, but it really bears repeating to me. It is tough to get in touch with hunger - it gnaws at your stomach and your mind. And we are doing this voluntarily -- how about those folks who live like this everyday out of necessity? I met with a student who was so angry, so disrespectful -- or maybe was he just hungry? With awareness comes compassion.
I had another heavy-legged run tonight -- and I was getting pretty down about it .... then this little guy on the track (he must have been about 6 or 7) ... he was all smiles as he skipped backward in front of me and my husband, Matt. So Matt decided to give chase and it was on! The two of them ran like crazy and I smiled and trotted on (pushing my 8 effort and thinking "only 3 more minutes.") ... And then that little guy got next to me, and before I knew it, I reached out of my funk and touched his shoulder and yelled "TAG!" Somehow I took off sprinting and he quickly caught up with me and tagged me back! Those were the best 3 minutes I ever ran, thanks to my track angel!
Lots of stress this weekend: We have an inspection on our house, stuff with the kids, and some plans with friends. Is anyone else having a hard time with the social part? I mean, I find myself saying no to a lot of social invites right now -- mostly because I don't want to be "tempted" to break from my committment to The Project. I remember when I quit smoking, I did the same thing - it was a long time before I could go to out to eat, to hear music, etc ... I hope that time will give me the balance I need to figure this out - as for now, I am in a bit of hibernation mode!
Looking forward to yoga and meeting with Chris and all/any of you tomorrow!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

can you say CRANKY?

Hey, fellow Projecteers!
I am embarassed to admit this, but I don't think I 've ever allowed myself to feel this hungry for this long. Today, I was really feeling the hunger - cranky, jittery - and nothing to eat/to stuff it all back down. I see now how many times I have staved this off by snagging Hershey Kisses from my colleague's desk or eating lots of lunch while reading the paper, surfing the net, paying no attention. I told coworkers about The Project - so I can't hide in any unaccountable spaces. They supportingly hide the chocolate and make lunch runs in whispers now!
My run tonight felt super heavy and slow on stiff, sore legs, but it is done!! Drama defeated, at least for today!
Keep those posts rolling - you are all hilarious and the the saving grace at the end of a long day! Better than chocolate? Not better, just different, right? :)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

big day: Barack Obama and my own inauguration ...

What a day to celebrate! Listening to Barack with tearful colleagues at lunch, and hearing my children's excitement: "Mommy, we saw Barack Obama become president!"
And, what a day of learning, of challenges. Yesterday, I was off from work and the kids were off from school. Plus, I didn't feel well, so it wasn't too hard to kick off the Project. But today, the real work began ....
... My first thoughts, as I made lunch for my kids: I can't even like the peanut butter off this knife, or I will have to account for it! Yeesh, gives PB&J a kinda sadistic quality...
... Then I mindfully measured out my lunch, prepared a small breakfast and mindlessly ate the blueberries I so carefully measured while I was driving into work. I see more the process of mindfulness - how it needs to be carried through, how easy it is to lapse ...
... Next, the reality of portions! My 130-calorie snack of fruit and nuts barely covered the bottom of a small sandwhich baggie -- I think I usually eat three times this amount and call it a snack. Now I know ...
... Back home, I panicked and realized that for all my planning, I did not plan very well. I have mostly the right food in the house, some of it cut up and measured. But I had not planned out exactly what I was going to eat, and that made dinner even more challenging: I cooked food for me and the kids between homework assignments -- again careful not to take a scoop of the buttery corn on their plates. I did not realize how much I ate when I cook: it literally took all my mental might to stop myself from tasting this and that and eating kiddo leftovers.
... The strength workout left my muscles twitching, and it felt good, and tough. The jump rope provided the most challenge and amusement: How do I do this again? It's only been HOW long?
When I came home, I turned off some lights and settled down to meditate. The sitting still was OK, because my body was tired. But my mind was distracted by every bit of chatter and clatter in the house. And my head started firing off some negative messages that were hard to silence. Again, I am grateful for the comraderie. I hit the blogs and felt that positive pulse again!
I think it is time for bed. Best wishes and thoughts for Day 3 to all!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Chicken soup for the BTWG soul

Good morning!
The sun is coming out for Day 1 and I feel almost relieved to be starting!
Sunday started out great -- with Chris' class -- and ended up with me in bed with the stomach flu! It seems to be a quick one, I feel better today, except for a few aches -- and no desire to eat!
I think it will be a chicken soup day.
My thoughts are with all of you -- here's to a week of completed checklists and awakenings!

Friday, January 16, 2009

countdown to no excuses ...

... I am not sure about this. And, I hate the word try because that always leaves an "out." So, I guess I am in on the blogging thing -- Welcome!
I've spent the last week reading, re-reading, fretting, googling, exercising (minimally) and and eating enormous amounts of soon-to-be forbidden food (did someone mention Dove chocolates?) I am grateful for this preparation time, and yet -- like the life-long procrastinator I am -- I know I will be up at 3 a.m. Monday still planning the week's eating!
I envision myself feeling better, and stronger and lighter -- and that keeps the fire stoked. And so does this: Everytime I log on my computer, I see another post, another connection, another person who is right here with me! We WILL do this!
Are you still scared? I know I am. Getting to the root of all this -- food, exercise, stillness -- it is truly frightening. And awesome! Ready to go there, ready to rock ... so glad you are here, too!