That's all it took to eat about 400 calories yesterday. In 4 minutes, I ate:
* a square of Ghiradelli dark chocolate
* a Girl Scout thin mint cookie
* two Hershey kisses
* a handful of potato chips
... and I didn't even realize it until it was over.
That is the part that just terrifies me! Emotional. zombie eating ... I was stressed and sad - stabbed in the back at work and did not see it coming ... and I came home to prepare my white chicken chili and prepare to workout, and the autopilot kicked in ... It's been a long time since I've gone there ... My focus during the Project is to eat consciously, not matter what I eat. Zombie eating and stuffing my body is an all-too-familiar habit. I was bulimic through high school and college. In grad school, I gave up the purging and alternated between being fat and being a workout machine. Now I am 44 and and a mother and a woman who just wants to live life consciously, including what goes into my mouth. The Project has been a blessing -- you can't get more conscious than counting every calorie, preparing nutritious food, savoring the sweet treats ...
And here I was back in the binge saddle again. I cut up a green pepper and munched, hoping the bitterness would break my stupor. I drank some water, I tried to keep the head chatter down ... I made it through, but damn, now I am scared again. Damn, I thought I had that one figured out, squared away, down pat ...
I feel a bit ridiculous writing this - I have lots of support, lots of options and I've had lots of success. I know I won't fall all the way down into the rabbit hole. I guess the old holes just seem a lot darker.
I doubled up my workout last night and that felt great, and I will do it again tomorrow, because I needed some time tonight to veg, and to blog. Now, I think I need to sleep. With all of you in this journey, Kelly