One year ago, I sent an mail to Chris, my application to The Project, BTWG. I had the chance to read it again this month, with gratitude and awe. Here are some parts I'd like to share:
"Okay, I’ll admit it. I am scared. Anxious, maybe is a better word.
I don’t do things half-assed. When I commit, I commit. And I have
been batting about committing to the Project for some time now. I have
no excuses. I have the support of my husband. I have good health. I
have a good pair of sneakers. What I don’t have is time, and I have to
believe that time devoted to this Project is time not sucked away from
my life, but time devoted to the betterment of it ..."
YES, I HAVE THE TIME, ALWAYS DID. AND NOW TIME COMES WITH SOME MUST MORE ENERGY, PURPOSE AND INTENTION ...
"I am also overweight. (I really want to say FAT). Not obese,just
overweight. Not a medical problem per se, but I do believe the
extra weight has caused problems with my workouts. More back strain
when I run. Poor posture. Pure disgust any time I look in a mirror.
This may sound strange, but I feel like I am trapped in a fat suit.
Like an athlete hiding in the body of a flabby middle-age woman..."
I AM NO LONGER OVERWEIGHT. MY BACK DOESN'T HURT WHEN I RUN. AND THE FAT SUIT IS TUCKED AWAY WHERE THE ATHLETE ONCE HID. I AM 45 AND NEVER FELT BETTER.
"I do work out. I’m game. I try anything and everything at least
once. (Except maybe spinning, honestly) But I swim, run, and do
yoga, Pilates, weights. I just don’t do any of it very consistently,
I guess, or at least enough to satisfy my inner athlete/warrior...."
IN THE PAST YEAR, I HAVE RUN MORE MILES THAN I EVER HAVE BEFORE, LIFTED MORE HEAVY STUFF THAT I EVER THOUGHT I COULD LIFT AND LOVED EVERY CRAZY MINUTE! ME? HEAVING 40-POUND BAGS OF WOOD PELLETS OVER MY SHOULDERS? ME? DEADLIFTING MY HUSBAND'S BODYWEIGHT? ME? RUNNING THE EAGLE CREEK TRAILS WITH THE DEER. IT FEELS AMAZING, AND LITTLE BIT BADASS.
"I eat OK, not horrible, not great. Evenings are the worst:
There are times I come home and could just eat the sofa.
I need better control in this arena as well. I need to eat for
sustenance and not for emotional release ..."
I COOK SO MUCH MORE NOW, AND SO MUCH BETTER! MY HUSBAND LOWERED HIS CHOLESTEROL SIGNIFICANTLY JUST BY EATING THE FOOD I MAKE. NOW I CRAVE PROTEIN INSTEAD OF CARBS, AND I KEEP MINDFUL OR WHAT GOES IN MY MOUTH ...
"So I am fat. And tired a lot. And stressed. And sometimes too busy
or tired or stressed to exercise regularly and eat right.
And there’s more. I am perimenopausal, and it is making me insane.
Everything is exaggerated: Bad food has bigger effects; good exercise
has less effect and PMS lasts twice as long..."
IT IS ALL GETTING SO MUCH EASIER. IT IS ALL FALLING INTO PLACE. I AM AGING AND OKAY WITH IT. I REFUSE TO BE TOO BUSY, TIRED OR STRESSED TO NOT TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
"So I am exhausted as I write this. And I think it is time.
Not to look like a model or fit a certain size. But to be truly
who I can be: a woman of infinite jest and energy. I miss that.
I need to get it back ..."
I AM FREQUENTLY EXHAUSTED AFTER CROSSFIT TRAINING WITH CHRIS, OR RUNNING WITH THE GODDESSES, BUT IT IS SUCH A BETTER EXHAUSTION. I FEEL LIGHTER INSIDE AND OUT. I LOVE SHARING SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER ALONG WITH THE KETTLEBELLS AND JUMPROPES WITH MY WORKOUT BUDDIES. YOU INSPIRE ME AND MOTIVATE ME EVERYDAY.
Happy one year anniversary to everyone who started with Project BTWG last January! Thanks a millionth time to Chris for your guidance and support!
Here's to 2010 folks, let's rock it! :)
