the jeckyll and hyde of it all ....

Chris is always saying "find your edge." I think I am on mine right now. Yes, it is true, what I last posted: I do have more energy and lightness. Yet, at the same time, I have never been more depressed, anxious and angry. All those extra pounds were a pretty good protective barrier from the deep crap inside. Now the barrier is down, and I am not sure what to make of how I feel. I feel better when I look in the mirror, dress for work, run faster, lift more, eat less ... and I feel so much worse when I test my husband's patience and support for the millionth time. Or I distance myself from my kids or my friends --to regroup, to make sense of it all.
I am familiar with this edge, and have worked hard to dull its cut. Guess there is more work to be done. With gratitude, I'll work this edge with this community. I think there is a light at the end of that rabbit hole, Patti, I really do.

great day for the race, and more ...

Patti and Kelly at Race for the Cure.

I can't believe a week has gone by! The Race was an awesome event, very inspiring, very emotional! It was great to see Patti at the start - I am definitely motivated and inspired by all of you BTWGers! I hope we can find more events to try together as summer arrives!
One week from our fitness test -- and I am holding on fairly well! I feel so good about how far all of us have come with our fitness and nutrition goals - can I ever say "Thanks Chris!" enough? :)
This is the first photo of me that I have liked in a LONG time! I look lighter and more energized and I feel that way MOST of the time! Namaste all!

Hey Racers!

If anyone wants to meet for a pre-race photo, how does 8:50 a.m. at the fountain sound? The fountain is on campus right about at the start of the race! I will be there and would love to see you!
If I miss you, have a beautiful run or walk and enjoy the day! What a great way to start it!

More fun with food: the lessons just keep on coming!

I really missed everyone at yoga this Saturday - the comraderie and the sweaty detoxification! This weekend brought me two days of eating and learning that I intend to use the rest of my life.
On Friday night, Matt and I went out with another couple to Rock Bottom. I did a nice run that day, and I decided not to sweat the food (but still eat consciously) so I had a pint of beer and shared nachos with my girlfriend. By dinnertime, we were not too hungry, so we split another appetizer -- titan toothpicks, anyone? They are fried tortillas stuff with cheesy goo and spices. I ordered another beer, and by the time I had finished eating, and sipped my ale, my stomach was in pain. Bad pain, like the I-can't-breathe-deeper-than-my-ribs kinda pain. I had to go home, take Tums, Pepcid, eventually tea. It took a few hours to feel any relief. As much as it hurt, I was kinda psyched afterward: I truly have changed how and what I eat, and my body cannot handle the rich and gooey and fried stuff.
I didn't eat much at all Saturday, and then Easter Sunday, we made a delicious feast of basa (fish), salad greens and blueberries, potatoes, lean meat, shrimp, asparagus and pie for our friends and families. I ate a little of everything -- much more than I ate Friday night, and - no pain, no problems. The difference was the food -- all homemade, full of good stuff, made with love. Amazingly, I also did not gain a pound. Wow, the beauty of real food! I love to eat out, but I am feeling a strong desire to "cook in," "eat in," and be more connected to our food. Or maybe I should just give up Rock Bottom ??!! :)
Thanks for listening and I can't wait to see folks on Sunday!

Excited about the Race for the Cure, et al...

I'm so glad so many of us will be at this event together! I am going to register through the Healthplex, and if anyone else needs help with registering, etc., please let me know. Maybe next week, we can pick a spot to meet at the start! (Ginger, you will be with all of us in spirit!)

OK, so I guess I didn't realize that this is a recovery week. I did my intervals, my strength and toning and then went to Chris' Yoga for Crosstraining class tonight. Youch! My inner thighs are still aching from squeezing a block between them while doing many, many core exercises. It was tough and terrific -- and best of all, I got to sweat through it with Paul! :)

I may not see all of you Saturday so let me take this time to chime in about this great, living community - I thank you all for this time, for sharing your victories and vices, for being an amazing and inspiring group of folks! As my kids would say, "YOU ROCK!"

Race for the Cure

Is anyone interested in being part of a BTWG group to run or walk this on Saturday, April 18?
This was my first run event, and I used to do it every year before I had kiddos. It is crowded, is not fast, but it is really satisfying -- running for a worthy cause and experiencing the joy and sorrow of cancer survivors and their families.
Please let me know if you are interested. I am working to find runs/events to keep me challenged, and I would love some folks to share the fun!
Happy Monday!

something new...

I've been reading a book about meditation and trying to take baby steps to grow in this arena. The author recommended a meditation journal, so I am now including that with my BTWG logs. I jot down the time and the subject (right now, still counting breaths) and any thoughts I can remember, any insights and any distractions. So far, I am low on insights, but I feel and believe that will change. I think about how valuable it has been to write down all my calories, my workouts and my weekly questionnaires, and I just know that this is a good practice for me!
Hoping your Wednesday is wonderful!