Forty five and having some fun!

This month I turned 45, and I could not be happier about it.
One year ago, I sent an mail to Chris, my application to The Project, BTWG. I had the chance to read it again this month, with gratitude and awe. Here are some parts I'd like to share:

"Okay, I’ll admit it. I am scared. Anxious, maybe is a better word.
I don’t do things half-assed. When I commit, I commit. And I have
been batting about committing to the Project for some time now. I have
no excuses. I have the support of my husband. I have good health. I
have a good pair of sneakers. What I don’t have is time, and I have to
believe that time devoted to this Project is time not sucked away from
my life, but time devoted to the betterment of it ..."

YES, I HAVE THE TIME, ALWAYS DID. AND NOW TIME COMES WITH SOME MUST MORE ENERGY, PURPOSE AND INTENTION ...

"I am also overweight. (I really want to say FAT). Not obese,just
overweight. Not a medical problem per se, but I do believe the
extra weight has caused problems with my workouts. More back strain
when I run. Poor posture. Pure disgust any time I look in a mirror.
This may sound strange, but I feel like I am trapped in a fat suit.
Like an athlete hiding in the body of a flabby middle-age woman..."

I AM NO LONGER OVERWEIGHT. MY BACK DOESN'T HURT WHEN I RUN. AND THE FAT SUIT IS TUCKED AWAY WHERE THE ATHLETE ONCE HID. I AM 45 AND NEVER FELT BETTER.

"I do work out. I’m game. I try anything and everything at least
once. (Except maybe spinning, honestly) But I swim, run, and do
yoga, Pilates, weights. I just don’t do any of it very consistently,
I guess, or at least enough to satisfy my inner athlete/warrior...."

IN THE PAST YEAR, I HAVE RUN MORE MILES THAN I EVER HAVE BEFORE, LIFTED MORE HEAVY STUFF THAT I EVER THOUGHT I COULD LIFT AND LOVED EVERY CRAZY MINUTE! ME? HEAVING 40-POUND BAGS OF WOOD PELLETS OVER MY SHOULDERS? ME? DEADLIFTING MY HUSBAND'S BODYWEIGHT? ME? RUNNING THE EAGLE CREEK TRAILS WITH THE DEER. IT FEELS AMAZING, AND LITTLE BIT BADASS.

"I eat OK, not horrible, not great. Evenings are the worst:
There are times I come home and could just eat the sofa.
I need better control in this arena as well. I need to eat for
sustenance and not for emotional release ..."

I COOK SO MUCH MORE NOW, AND SO MUCH BETTER! MY HUSBAND LOWERED HIS CHOLESTEROL SIGNIFICANTLY JUST BY EATING THE FOOD I MAKE. NOW I CRAVE PROTEIN INSTEAD OF CARBS, AND I KEEP MINDFUL OR WHAT GOES IN MY MOUTH ...

"So I am fat. And tired a lot. And stressed. And sometimes too busy
or tired or stressed to exercise regularly and eat right.
And there’s more. I am perimenopausal, and it is making me insane.
Everything is exaggerated: Bad food has bigger effects; good exercise
has less effect and PMS lasts twice as long..."

IT IS ALL GETTING SO MUCH EASIER. IT IS ALL FALLING INTO PLACE. I AM AGING AND OKAY WITH IT. I REFUSE TO BE TOO BUSY, TIRED OR STRESSED TO NOT TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

"So I am exhausted as I write this. And I think it is time.
Not to look like a model or fit a certain size. But to be truly
who I can be: a woman of infinite jest and energy. I miss that.
I need to get it back ..."

I AM FREQUENTLY EXHAUSTED AFTER CROSSFIT TRAINING WITH CHRIS, OR RUNNING WITH THE GODDESSES, BUT IT IS SUCH A BETTER EXHAUSTION. I FEEL LIGHTER INSIDE AND OUT. I LOVE SHARING SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER ALONG WITH THE KETTLEBELLS AND JUMPROPES WITH MY WORKOUT BUDDIES. YOU INSPIRE ME AND MOTIVATE ME EVERYDAY.

Happy one year anniversary to everyone who started with Project BTWG last January! Thanks a millionth time to Chris for your guidance and support!
Here's to 2010 folks, let's rock it! :)

Home for a first "post BTWG" holiday

Driving to New Jersey for a week at my mom's house is always a mixed bag. I enjoy some of the time on the road, as it forces me to be still and allows me to catch up on book club reading. (Read Pat Conroy's newest, "South of Broad," and it was wonderful) This road trip threw us a little curve this time when our water pump busted in mid-pennsylvania. We spent nearly 6 hours at a Sears Auto outside Williamsport getting it fixed. Two kids, one dog, and one crowded mall - not my choice of Sunday outings but better than being stranded elsewhere on Route 80.
Once there, I get into "Jersey" mode: Big family, lots of energy (teasing), lots of fun for the kids with their cousins, lots of food and booze. I went prepared - running shoes, weights, Project workouts and food journal. I used everything but the food journal (started again today) and overall I did OK. I ate everything on Thanksgiving (in surprisingly decent portions) and everything all over again on leftover Friday. Happily, my biggest fears proved false: I didn't swell to the size of Kelly pre-BTWG in two days, and I didn't eat to the point of moaning and flopping on the couch in a semi-comatose state!
And I worked out. There's a 4-mile run near my childhood home that I always thought of as "the run those runners can do, but not me." It's 2 miles up, up, and up again (to my brother's high school) and two sloping miles down. I did the run, in the dim of 4 p.m. and a light, chilly rain. My glasses were so fogged and splattered on the way back that I could barely see the sidewalk, much less the bumps and cracks. I followed Matt's feet and we made it back over the railroad tracks before the next commuter train rolled in. I was glowing with accomplishment when we got back to mom's, only to have her retort in her thick Joisey accent "it really isn't 4 miles, it's less than that, you know ... " (okay Matt GPSed it, and it was 4, but you really don't argue with my mom these days...)
And I enjoyed a lot of folks telling me that I look great and asking about my diet and exercise habits. It felt fantastic to socialize with my glass of red wine in my 2-size smaller jeans - until I broke the wine glass. It slipped, I caught it, and it slipped again, crashing to the white tile and scattering shards of glass and merlot-stained splatters. (No, it was my first glass - honest - a half glass even) As I wiped up the mess, I heard my mom saying that it wouldn't be a party if Kelly didn't break a glass. Amid the laughter, she followed that up with a family fave about how Kelly would always bound down the stairs as a child and then hit her head on the overhang above the stairway. (I did.) Now, this isn't a 'my mom is horrible' blog: Teasing comes natural to the Rotas, mom is no exception.
But in that moment, I was taken back to the clutzy, chubby girl who could never that 4-mile run. I'm almost embarassed to admit how much it upset me. There was just something in the moment that wiped out my confidence, along with every crunch and counted calorie. I felt like a fake - okay, Kelly, just go upstairs and put some baggy sweats on and fill your plate again and maybe spill some on yourself for grins. You are not fit: that is all fantasy.
It took some time to work this through (the long car ride back to Indy) and a lot of willpower not to give in to the old voice in my head that wanted to eat my way out. This is the demon I wrestle - will I ever believe that I am this woman who can lift heavy shit and run PRs? I want to, and most days I do ... It's just a week home again in NJ really put it all to the test.
When we got back to our home, Matt and I unpacked, unwound, and registered for the mini-marathon. Tonight, I started Crossfit training again with Chris and loving every stinking minute! This is me, and I am grateful. Perhaps I can learn to be a fit clutz?

PR in the pouring rain ...

What fun! I ran like hell in the Run Like Hell 5K last night on the canal.
Start time: a very wet 7 p.m.
End time: Ran it in 30.09, a PR for me - 9.40 minute miles! (and about 32 ounces of water in my shoes and clothes!)
I really think Chris' Cross Fit training is the reason. Why?
1. I never would have said "what fun!" about running in the rain (or doing burpees) a year ago!
2. It's all about being a badass.
3. Chris never stops challenging me to lift something bigger, do something longer, believe I can be stronger...
... Next running challenge: Thinking about a 5K trail run at Ft. Ben on Nov. 14 - part of the DINO runs and, again, all new to me ... Anybody? Anybody? :)

wanna get high?

Now that I have your attention ... :)

Who wants to get "high" on Friday, Oct. 30 at the ropes course in Holcomb Gardens at Butler University? Friday is an "open climb" from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m., which means that anyone can put on a helmet and harness and climb up to the playground suspended 40 feet in the trees!

Before you climb, you complete a brief "ground school," so you learn how to move safely once you are up! It is amazingly fun and challenging -- and even better when a group can make it together!

Let me know if you are interested - you can get there as late as 4 p.m. and still get on the course. I would suggest two hours - 3 p.m. to 5 p.m., if you can - so you have time to try the different challenges! Please wear comfortable clothing and shoes you can climb in!

I hope to see you there!

My first tattoo, and other news

Hi all!

I've been trying to upload a slideshow from the Go Girls Triathlon for all BTWGers to see, but no luck yet! But check out this photo -- and my profile -- fishes Alison, Sherri and me, at the start of the race! I think our smiles tell it all - what a great day! So much energy, so much fun -- get ready for next years, gals - because we are recruiting already! :) I kept my "ink" (Sharpie marker tattoo) as long as I could to remind of the complete joy of sharing health, support, community and Eagle Creek with an amazing group of people! As Sherri says, "WE ROCK!"

Sherri and I also shared the Race for the Races, a 5K to benefit IPS last Saturday, the 12th. It was a beautiful morning for a run and again, such a positive spirit to the event! My kiddos Emma and Sam walked the 1-mile family fun walk in 19 minutes and were quite proud of themselves!

It just strikes me: I am not meant to do this isolation! Whether it's ganging up to test the triathlon waters, meeting a friend to run with a cause, racing down the highway to make one of Chris' yoga classes - it's all good. And it all feels better, funner, and more alive, because I can share this with you! Yes, there are days I like to sweat alone, singing badly or counting loudly to the tunes on the shuffle. But misery is the only reason to love company: Company/companions/compadres are also for celebrating, challenging (ourselves, each other) and creating new stuff in each of us -- and who doesn't love new stuff??

Here's to sharing new stuff, in all its wildest and wackiest forms!

Open water swim

Allison and I had a chance to practice our strokes for the triathlon on Saturday in some beautiful lake water. (Big thanks to her friend for the invite!) We missed you, Sherri! It's pretty clear that the distance is not an issue, but swimming straight without lap-lane lines is tricky! I'm feeling a little anxious about that "unknown" aspect of the swim, that I really can't prepare for: Will it be really warm? How many times will I get kicked in the face? :)
Still have not heard who is meeting at my house before the race, and who is coming afterward to celebrate! Please, come after yoga class, too, all are welcome! I just need a rough idea of how many, so I can have some food ready!
Hope to see you Saturday!

Quick update for Go Girls

Don Carr of Tuxedo Brothers called back and confirmed that you have to pick up your race materials in person with ID.
You can pick them up at the Julian Center on Friday, Aug. 28, between 12 p .m. and 6 p.m. Julian Center is at 2011 N. Meridian. OR, you can pick up your stuff on race day, that morning.
Please let me know if you want to meet at my house before the race. Matt will get all of us to Eagle Creek via van, so you won't have to worry about parking. We can go in shifts to fit the bikes in the van - the park is just minutes away from our house.
TO ALL BTWGers: You are invited to a post-Go Girl party at my house! Please come, feel free to bring kids, spouses, etc. We'll have some brunch food and drink and the cornhole boards will be ready for play!